"Hello Mom, I know you are there"

Yesterday I experienced what I didnt had to go through since I left Singapore for Australia. I spent the entire week at work preparing for the newspaper ads to be published this Saturday. I am not a fan of last minute work so I had briefed the design and the copy early so I would have ample time to submit the materials by 5pm Thursday (yesterday). As it happened, you can plan all you want but if others have a different idea with timeliness, you are just stuck in their timezone when you rely on their work to get things done.

So Design took their time to produce the first piece of work late on Wednesday. Before we could get back with feedback for more changes they were off home. The next morning they went for an early breakfast party ignoring the urgent work pending on their desk. By this time, I was fuming inside, my body starting from my shoulders was so worked up, I had a terrible headache and the feeling that I had abandoned so long ago came back overwhelming me. The feeling of rushing, of wanting everything to be done quickly. If I dont have things done my speed, I throw up a fit. I then realised I do that even at home. If I dont pack enough activities for the weekend, I feel unaccomplished. If I relaxed too much and found that the laundry or cleaning is not done by Sunday afternoon, I get upset.

It was after reading a book written by a buddhist monk that I realised, I recognised this habit energy and it had been transmitted to me by my mother. My mom is always rushing, wanting everything to be done quickly, quickly, quickly. "Hello Mom, I know you are there". As the book advised, I embraced this energy of rushing. Recognising and taking care of the feeling as I would take care of a baby. Slowly I watched it go away, giving way to relaxation, peace, fun, appreciation. I noticed my senses heightened a bit more - the buildings, the trees, the train journey and the people so much more alive and beautiful. I think for this short while, I was liberated and the rush feeling no longer dominate me.