Starting the cycle

It's my Day 2 of the Synarel nasal spray, although the fluid taste revolting at the back of my throat, I am getting used to it. I used the nasal spray twice a day, about 12 hours apart alternating between left and right nostril. One press on the spray, remove the spray from the nostril and sniff so the spray mist gets absorbed into the thin blood capillaries on the lining of the nose. It's not that difficult. Just not easy getting rid of the taste - tried drinking water, soup, having toast & jam, only strong coffee works but I am trying to eliminate coffee altogether from my diet.

This evening, I started with the Follicle Stimulation Hormone on an injection pen. The brand I am using is Puregon. It's not a walk in the park. It's painful and I took a little time to get over the fear of injecting a long needle into my flesh. The pain increases as I push the fluid into my body. Thankfully mine is a boost cycle which means a short cycle, next Monday on Labour Day I will go in for my early ultrasound and blood test to see if the follicles are growing well. If they are growing well, I may need a few more injections and it's done.

I asked myself over and over again how I am feeling through this experience. Work has been so busy and absorbing, I hardly had time to think about it much. I tried to read every literature Monash IVF provided me, unfortunately it will always list the potential risks to indemnify themselves from uninformed consent. What they need to do is balance these literature with success stories, stories of couples who made it and what they went through to get there. My patient coordinator Sharon tells me Dr Lynn has a 45-50% conceive chance. I am trying to be optimistic but it doesnt mean much to me. There is still a chance I could be one of the two who wont conceive.

So I just concentrate on the facts which is my usual style, understanding the treatments I am getting, the processes they are recommending and the implication of using the treatment. We also found out we didnt really had a choice, we had to use Assisted Reproductive Technologies otherwise we will be childless, unless it's a miracle baby. I do think every child is a miracle baby these days.

Nesting

Life is a little overwhelming for us at the moment.
We have decided to embark on using in-vitro fertilization to get pregnant. Tomorrow I will meet with my nurse to get my 'hormones'.

Since our first appointment with Dr Lynn Burmeister, a fertility specialist, we have been moving fairly quick like clockwork. Immediately after the consultation, we both did a blood test at Melbourne Pathology and signed for Monash IVF membership. We tee-up the next few appointments for my laparoscopy and Alex's additional semen test. The following week I was admitted for day surgery to undergo laparoscopy. At least we found out why it was difficult for us to be pregnant, one of my fallopian tube is blocked. Dr Lynn didnt waste any time in recommending IVF as a solution.

In the course of 2 weeks, we learnt about what really happens when a couple goes through IVF and the different stages, the potential risks as well as epidemological studies comparing IVF babies with normal babies, IVF mothers with normal mothers. We attended counseling as required by law and had to sign a couple of consent forms to provide instructions on what we do with our remaining fertilized eggs if we are fortunate to have more than we need.

In the midst of it all, I am trying to keep healthy, taking lots of long walks on the beach to digest it all. Spending lots of time alone praying. I feel I am more determined to push myself harder in physical exercise, not sure why. I ran for a long time today, it's my first proper run since I had torn my anterior cruciate ligament on my left knee in August. I guess I must feel I needed to be strong for what's to come. I realized I am not coping entirely well either as I get pretty worked up over minor details on topics like our home building plans, timings for our overseas trip to gain first entry as permanent residents and making sure we enter into a building contract before end of June. Perhaps some Eckhart Tolle may help me through this period...

Marketers - move to the next century

Recently I was given the opportunity to attend a Digital Training conducted by Digital Training Academy in Sydney. I knew I could not ignore how web 2.0 is changing the way consumers are interacting with brands but I was not sure how to use these tools effectively either.

After attending this course, it is clear that this is the next generation of innovative marketing. If companies do not get on board the way how consumers want to interact with brands & companies, these companies would be left out to die.

To whet your appetite, I like to demonstrate how some smart individuals have started to use web 2.0 effectively in their line of work. This video is produced by Professor Wesch. Michael Wesch is a professor of Cultural Anthropology at Kansas State University. He published this video more than 2 years ago on YouTube. He understands what it means to capture the interest of his students by adding on web 2.0 tools to his courses and using them for producing and sharing content with his students. In plain words, he uses tools developed for the social and personal blogs or youtube videos as instructional technologies. The video is labeled as “Web2.0…The Machine is Us/ing Us.” Enjoy...

Don’t play the victim card. Your results are your own. Find a way to make it happen.

Now more than ever, I need to call upon everything in me. The tenacity, the grit, the audacity and the sticktoitiveness to succeed.
A couple of challenges lie ahead of me.

At work, I am trying to launch a new campaign that would use some amazing marketing tools to reach both existing and new customers, using robust technology. This way I would continue to have fun in my job.

In my personal life, I will be placing my hopes on the team of IVF specialists and in God's hands. The next couple of months to tell if we will become parents. Yesterday is the first step into the journey with laparoscopy, next will be my partner's examination and then we will be on our way for hormonal treatments. The IVF treatment carries a 40% success rate which is great compared to natural methods of 25% in any given month.

At the same time yesterday, we received really good news from the Adelaide Skilled Processing Centre informing us the application is almost complete. We just need to depart from Australia for at least 10 working days so the full evidencing process will be completed at the Australian High Commission. So in the midst of extreme work schedules and IVF treatment, I have to leave the country.

In the meantime, we are finalising our building plans for our first home in Australia. We are in the midst of making minor changes to the plan and hopefully be able to compare quotes from 2 different builders. Cant wait to have my own painting & sewing room, walk in robe and a bathtub for my tired limbs.

So lots are happening, my destiny is my own to craft. I will take the bull by his horns and I will prod on to victory. I promise that myself!


For this post, I am drawing my inspiration from this lovely princess.

I first saw this fine art at The Customs House in Sydney. The exhibition is called The Regal Twelve, 12 princesses have been featured by artist Alexia Sinclair. But this princess Christina of Sweden captured my interest. Christina also known as Christina Alexandra ascended to the throne at the age of 7. She was brought like a prince, is a model student, mature for her age, has a bright intelligence and is the first royal to adopt Catholism (Swedish royal were Protestants). Often people in the court says "she is at all not like a female". She often discuss ideas with the philosopher Rene Decartes. She's known as the androgynous queen and is often used as a icon for lesbianism.

Have you ever google your own name before?

I was very surprised to find a few things googling my name.

1. Career profile on LinkedIn - there are quite a few Josephine Yaps out there. That's how some old acquitance found me, unfortunately not that thrilled when I received his out-of-the-blue phone call at work (called the general line to look for me).

2. My dear friend Sharm posted an album on Flickr of her friends and name all of us as VIPs. Sharm, always the kind hearted foxy woman I know. Wasnt even aware of the album until I came across it just now. I wasnt aware of this photo's existence until I saw Sharm's album.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/summerinnewyork/3250759826/

3. This I was pleasantly surprised, an entry I made on a website to share books or literature read. Here is my posting made on Malaysia Independence Day in year 2002, and it still holds true.

On www.conures.net/readinglist.shtml (a site for people to provide their recommended reading list.
Saturday, 31-Aug-02 01:37:51 EDT
Name: Josephine Yap
Email: j0yap@yap.com

Book #1: The Prophet
Author: Kahlil Gibran

Book #2: The Alchemist
Author: Paulo Coelho

Book #3: God of Surprises
Author: Gerard W.Hughes

Comments: Kahlil Gibran and Paulo Coelho are my two most favourite authors. Exuding from their writing is the love that they have for GOD and humanity. The world we live in today demands a tough image and steers us towards false consolations. When the truth is from within, all 3 authors of these books recognise the frailty and our true worth, reading them filled me with so much tenderness that I know something has changed in me forever, a conversion has taken place. Enjoy! Thanks for allowing me to share this with all of you.

4. My twitter profile - I have been updating what I am doing daily on twitter, my new toy, guess it's pretty public profile.

5. My work question on MarketingProf.com where other professionals assist similar people in the field in answering questions that they themselves have learnt through their own work. One more alternative way of understanding your candidate?
http://www.marketingprofs.com/ea/qst_question.asp?qstID=690

Why water the seeds of life? Here's why...

It is barely coming to the end of second month this year, we have already experienced some extremes ups and downs. As the world copes with one crisis after another, the world wins by installing the first US black president. He gave lots of people around the world what they had been waiting for...hope. As a nation grieves for the great loss in Australian's worst bush fires, we all win by uniting to help all those impacted. The entire country behaved like a small close-knitted community to raise over $77 million in less than a week, retail companies handed over the day's profits, corporate companies matching their staff's donation dollar for dollar, people like us forgo the interest we have earned over a year in our bank savings and even dug deeper to give to our neighbours who need it more than us. Although my personal issues surrounding fertility seemed to last forever, we will finally begin to understand better what the issues are next week when I take my laparoscopy. As I said in an article I wrote at work, even in tough times, there is a silver lining.

What strikes me is when I came across this story, the title of my blog brings it all home. Life is interlaced with joys and sadness, they are two sides of a coin. One cannot exist without the other, it is the existence of the other that we will feel the extent of joy in us, or the sadness in us. So go on to embrace the sadness in our lives because it only makes us appreciate our joyful moments a lot more. Water all the different kind of seeds in your life. Enjoy the following article..


By Mary Regina Morrell
Catholic Online

“Those who sow in tears will reap with cries of joy. Those who go forth weeping, carrying sacks of seed, will return with cries of joy, carrying their bundled sheaves.” Psalm 126

When I left the office yesterday, I hadn’t noticed how overcast the sky was. My head was cast down as I walked to my car. I didn’t even notice the car backing out of its parking spot as I started to step off the curb.

My co-worked rolled down her window and called my name, “Mary, you look so sad. I’ve never seen you look like that before.”

I could only smile to assure her I was fine and she drove off. Certainly, it was not the time or place to tell her I had just lost a friend – a childhood sweetheart.

He had taken his own life, and time since then had become a black hole of should haves, could haves, would haves.

In my mind, I was handling it fine, but my body wouldn’t be fooled so easily. Every cell had absorbed the loss and the pain and I was beginning to crumble. Nausea was my constant companion. Fatigue made my body ache for sleep.

How could I have missed the signs, I wondered in anguish. The words of his letters reeled in my head, a sharing of his life, pictures of his family, the prospects and disappointments of his police work., encouragement through my own depression, his closings: “Love ya, Kiddo!”

Why didn’t I read between the lines?

But in truth, the trouble with letters and email is you can never see the friend behind the words, their face, their eyes, their body language, even the sighs in their voice. They are hidden, and people contemplating suicide are consummate at the craft of hiding their intentions.

My own journey and education has taught me that suicide is almost always the result of a mental illness like depression, and I have learned enough about this agonizing behavior to know, intellectually, that even if I had made the trip to visit him as I had planned, I would not have been able to correct a lifetime of pain or loss or physical illness that had led him to this place.

But the intellect does not always rule the emotions, so I will continue to grieve and feel as though I could have been a better friend. But I will also turn, once again, to prayer so that my grief does not lie fallow or damage my spirit. One bout with depression is enough.

There is no better place to turn for prayer than to the Psalms. Here there seems to be a prayer for every emotion, joy or pain known to humankind. One prayer in particular has always strengthened me and helped me keep my heart turned toward the future. It is Psalm 126 that has those beautiful words, “Those who sow in tears will reap with cries of joy….”

This is a prayer, wrote author Douglas Twitchell, that helps us recall that, “Life here on this earth, amidst the anguish and struggle against evil, is not lived from joy to joy, or from pain to pain; it is a side by side journey of grief and joy, sorrow and laughter. A bitter-sweet road from birth to grave. But the promise of the psalmist keeps us from giving up.”

It is a prayer that also reminds us that we must continue to live while we grieve, we must continue to sow the seeds of life and hope and faith as we water them with our tears.

I pray that God will give me the strength to do what I know I should because my friend sowed many seeds of joy in my life while we shared it and I want to do no less for him in death.

_____________________

Mary Morrell is the author of Angels in High Top Sneakers from Loyola Press.

Remembering Marysville

"It is important, it is very important that the nation grieves," Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd said.

The whole nation is coming to grasp the devastation and horrors brought about on last Black Saturday. It is the worst bushfire that Australia has seen. Being part of the Australian community, it does feel like it happened to one of my friends. Like everyone, I grieve.

Every morning I have to prepare myself for sad stories or photos that might come up on my phone as I surf for daily news on the train. Because if I am not prepared, I would be caught sobbing like a fool in front of strangers, reacting to the stories I read on my phone which is exactly what happened to me on Monday.

A national day of mourning and a memorial service will honor the victims of the past week's wildfires in Victoria. I will leave this post with photos of Marysville, the village that gives us so much to explore, fun, joy and remember.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=78647&id=647871442&l=53dd7

Twittering in Manly

One of many advantages in migrating to OZ. I had just completed a few days of total immersion in the next generation marketing learning. And now after the course, I'm sitting on a high stool in Four Olive Deli in Manly, Sydney having lunch. Can life get better than this?

I feel sorry for you Roger

Whoever who watched yesterday's match between Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer would agree its a match of a lifetime. For all those who paid more than $300 a seat got their's money worth. Most people thought Roger would be the top tennis player that ever lived and Roger would not let go of beating Pete Sampras 14 Grand Slam titles. But now, people are starting to wonder perhaps Rafa might be THE ONE.
Rafa really showed his mettle yesterday, especially after playing the longest match of 5 hours 14 minutes in the history of Australian Open just 2 days ago against Fernando Verdasco. He proved to everyone that it wasnt a fluke he earned his world ranking no 1.

The two men battled like gladiators for 5 games with each of them taking 1 set in turn. They went head to head at every point and in some cases to earn one breaking point, they battled through 5 or more deuces. It was tension at every shot. Finally Roger weakened his game in the last game with double faults and missing shots. Maybe he was already beaten inside, reliving the fears of his last battle at the French Open and gave way to Rafa.

What was heart wrenching is Roger coming to the mike and sobbed uncontrollably. He only managed to mutter the words "God, it's killing me." I swear anyone's heart could have gone to him at that moment. He continued to cry until he was pulled away to settle down. As gracious as he is and as gentleman as he is, he pulled himself together and went to the mike again to congratulate Rafa and thanked sponsors, the tennis legends, fans, crowds and vowed that he will be back. "I don't want to have the last word; this guy deserves it," Federer said. "So, Rafa, congratulations. You played incredible. You deserve it, man."

At 22, Rafa has 6 Grand Slam titles under his belt, while Roger has only 1 at the same age. Are we witnessing the next tennis legend after Sampras? probably yes.

There are two sports which I have grown to love and feel passionate about in the recent years. Tennis and cycling - it was athletes like Rafa, Roger and Lance Armstrong that makes these sports so entertaining.

The Roger and Andy Show

Yeap and I am watching it live. How lucky am I!!
I bought tonight's tickets for Alex's birthday and thought ok, I wont be able to get him the men finals or the women finals but I can still get him the women semi finals.

But God is our side, we are going to be treated with one of the best matches. It's between 2 friends - Roger Federer and Andy Roddick.

Andy is known to have the best ace serves and Fed Express is super human. Fed can spin and curve the ball to go against the normal trajectory of the ball as it lands in the opponent's court.

Hopefully by the end of his career, he will have broken Martina Navratilova's record of being the world record with the most career titles - 177 (all time record for men or women).

We are very fortunate to be living in this century to witness great sportsmen and women like Fed and Tiger Woods.