The love for theatre

Reality TV may command a lion share of our entertainment nowadays, but I believe it is theatre and stories written by poets and novelists in the last century that leaves you a different kind of person. I am fortunate to have been exposed to theatre and musicals and they all leave a profound effect on me. Musicals are more engaging as it combines music, dance and dialogue. If you need a good cry, this is where you need to go.

Some of my favourites:

1. Phantom of the Opera written by Gaston Leroux, transformed into a musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber

2. Les Miserables written by Victor Hugo, transformed into a musical by Sir Cameron Anthony Mackintosh

3. Oliver! based on novel "Oliver Twist" written by Charles Dickens, transformed into a musical by Lionel Bart

4. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat based on Genesis (The Bible's first chapter), transformed into a musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice

5. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang written by Jeremy Sams, a children's movie about a car that can fly made into a musical

6. Anna Karenina written by Leo Tolstoy

7. Pericles, Prince of Tyre, story written in part by William Shakespeare

There isnt many others that I have watched that I didn't like, probably RENT is the only one. One of the cast was a well-known Hong Kong actress and the cast's performance had failed to grab, we actually left half-way because it became excruciatingly painful to watch. The other one was Sound of Music, so the cast is very important that will determine if it will be a memorable experience.

All of these stories have a dose of romance, drama, tragedy, redemption, struggle & triumph and comedy, just like life, makes them interesting. If you pay attention to the lyrics, your emotions will flow.

This is one example - sang by Fantine (pronounced as Fontine), a single mother in Les Miserables forced to sell her hair and her body to pay the fees of her daughter's care.

It was the same song that made Susan Boyle famous.

Here is another song from Les Miserables sang by the character Valjean. That character have been played by many great men including Chairman Kaga (Iron Chef Japan) in many different languages.

The success of The Phantom has bred a sequel called "Love Never Dies". Finally debuting in February this year at The Adelphi Theatre in London, then to New York City and Australia in 2011. I'll surely be waiting.

An undercurrent of joy that cannot be removed

If God is for us, who can be against us?

Romans 8:31

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

Romans 8:35

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Roman 8:37-39

And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Roman 5:3-5

God's love is a mystery, logic doesn't explain it. But God's love transcends all sadness, I might not be kicking and jumping with joy but there is a peace in my heart and I can peacefully accept whatever that is to come.

Ice in my veins, fire in my heart

   
Christmas New Year holidays in Zion National Park, UTAH (2002)

Yesterday I was watching the black ice sheets floating and moving quickly over the top of the Hudson River in New York on a sad movie. And I was laughing to myself, hey that's me -frozen inside and probably so is my body.  After today's blood test, my blood did froze. The HCG hormone mystery continues, it just didn't increase as it should normally. My doctor passed the message, if the pain comes, please do not hesitate to check into an emergency ward. The verdict is passed, this is abnormal. Even my vein collasped when the nurse tried to extract blood from my arm today, my other arm is bruised from the last blood test. Another blood test on Thursday is in tow, it is my doctor's hope that the HCG level better come down.

Meanwhile, let me crawl to my black hole and cry myself a river as I did over the sink today whilst I was washing the dishes. But Mister was optimistic, we hugged, we talked about how far we have come and how the Lord will continue to bless us. I know it's difficult to understand unless you are experiencing it but I believe it's true. It prompted me to look for joyous photos of my experience with the snow. Here's one or two in Zion National Park.

Building my home

Pretty special is to be able to build your own home - the way you want it.
We finally got something started on the land we bought two years ago on Mister's birthday.
Our builder is Onley Constructions a relatively small builder and I think we have chosen right. We were with a big volume builder about a year ago, named Metricon but the economy saved us. I cancelled the contract because the interest rate went sky-rocketed up to 10% p.a. How does one service a mortgage with a double digit interest rate? It's just crazy.

But fortunately (a lot of economists would disagree) the new Australian Government led by the Labor Party started pumping first owner grant incentives into the industry, supporting the continuous health of the real estate industry. As a result, a lot of first owners obtained government grants to buy or to build their first homes. Reserve Bank of Australia lowers the cash rate to 3.00% sending all banks mortgage interest rates dropping quickly and encouraging more people to take up loans. That was one of the reasons why the Australian's economy was thriving whilst most developed economies sank (except for China which the other top reason why Australia did not suffer as much).

On the home front, in a matter of 8 weeks, the builder has laid the concrete slab and the frame for our new home. Standing within the house frame makes us feel we are already home and visualising where everything would be, keep our hope alive. It's truly a wonderful feeling.

Our bare land

Concrete slab stage

Frame stage - View from the front

Frame stage - View from the back garden

Inside the frame - View looking at the front door, on the right is the Entertainment Room

Inside the frame - Entertainment Long Room

Inside the frame - Looking at the living room and kitchen

Inside the frame - View of the kitchen (sink overlooking the window on the left) & part of the living room.

Inside the frame - Next to the kitchen is an entry to a Walk-in-pantry (my would-be favourite part of the house)

Inside the frame - View of the dining room (love those big windows down to the floor)

Inside the frame - View from the living room looking out to the alresco area via sliding door.

Outside the frame - View of the alresco area

Inside the frame - View of the study room (located in front of the house)

Inside the frame- another view of the Entertainment Room from across

Inside the frame - View of the second floor

Inside the frame - View of the garage

Looking back but the future beckons

I decided to take up a suggestion from a business professional in the publishing industry and focus today on reflecting on the past. I too believe that it is important to complete that in order to move on the future. My faith implores me to do that on a daily basis, otherwise how do we know what are the lessons learnt and asking God to show how we can improve in our relationships with others, how do we lead by example at work and in life makes it a practising faith.

These are very good questions which I feel everyone should reflect on. Once this is done, say it is done then move on to a new chapter.

1. If the last year were a movie of your life, what would be the genre be? Drama, romance, adventure, comedy, tragedy, a combination.
I wish I could say it was all an adventure but it was more like an emotional discovery - A discovery and acceptance of my own infertility, finding myself and learning how we dealt with these difficulties. At the height of the drama moments, my marriage and self-worth were greatly challenged but triumped in the end just like any good old ending.

2. What were the two or three major themes that kept recurring? These can be single words or phrases.
They were for me:
- Learning to let go of control
- Getting along with less but enjoying it more.
- Less is more

3. What did you accomplish this past year that you are the most proud of? These can be in any area of your life - spiritual, relational, vocational, physical.
- My work in campaigns - learning to lead without authority but influencing with creative ideas.
- Developing a new passion in sewing and gaining patience.
- Learning to trust that He is in control and rediscovering this truth in my life.
- Cultivating my marriage life with a good home environment.

4. What do you feel you should have acknowledged for but weren't?
- Sticking to the IVF process and believing in the process even after several setbacks.
Probably that's the only thing as I succumb to my mind pretty easily, shame on me.

5. What disappointments or regrets did you experience this past year?
- Not focusing on Jesus or doing enough to continue to seek Him
- Not exercising enough and not exercising my dog enough.

6. What was missing from last year as you look back? Look at each major area of your life. Don't focus now on having to do anything about it.
- I feel time is running out with my parents. I still feel I have much to catch up with them. To saviour and honour them.
- My deep connection with the Lord - that deep underlying knowing that He is watching over me and I will be good.

7. What were the major life lessons  you learned this past year? Boil this down to a few, short pithy statements.
- Never to stray away from God. To find ways to connect with Him through music, spiritual talks or books or people is the best medicine for the soul.
- Persevere, press on and just trusting even though it may not make sense.
- Being present with the people I love is the most important gift I can give them.

Now that this is completed, this year is over. I declare it complete!

Jesus take the wheel

Take it from my hands.
Coz I can't do this on my own.
I'm letting go.

Your Grace is all I need.

God's response to Job

A shot of dawn taken in Yellowstone Park, the world oldest park.

Life is full of trials and tribulations - I had some this year and probably still experiencing them. On my fifth IVF cycle, I had a positive result but the HCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) hormone is low. HCG is supposed to rise during the first tri-semester to encourage the other two pregnancy hormone progestrone and estrogen to be secreted. My HCG reading on 21st December was 53mIU/ml and today it is 87mIU/ml. Normal levels should be at least 600-7000.

I cant help but think this is again a lost cause, my mind is full of questions again, shrouded in grief and anger. And I was reminded by the story of Job.

The typical world's view of theology is that God rewards the good and punishes evil. There seemed to be no room before in my mind that only God has the ultimate and divine discretion and mystery in allowing suffering for purposes other than retribution.

Job was a pious man, he was righteous yet he was robbed of everything - children, riches and even his own health. His friends consoled him and asked him to confess his sins even he has sinned none. His wife asked him to curse God and he maintained God is sovereign. His suffering continued and deepened when he was inflicted with boils. Then was when he challenged God and cursed the day he was born.

God responded to Job if Job had the experience of a Creator of the world. He is the King of the world and certainly not subjected to questions by His creations, including men. Job lacked the knowledge or the ability to fully understand why God would allow Job's suffering. In the end, Job's health and prosperity was restored in many folds and he lived to ripe old age.

I dont necessarily understand God's reasons for what I am going through and I may never will. But I do remember His promise "For I know the plans for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future." Jeremiah 29:11

A Christmas to remember

I love garden bench chairs - wooden ones or iron-wrought benches. The older they are, the more charming they are. They look inviting to anyone to sit down for a quiet respite or to have a intimate conversation either with someone you know or even a stranger.

This christmas is extra special, it reminded me the type of conversation I havent been having with God. Christmas since I converted to Catholism holds a special meaning. It signifies the birth of the king of all kings, the priest of all priests and most of all, a God that has been there and will be there all the time (Immanuel). His birth in a barn with animals and in a manger made out of wood just like this old bench up on Mount Macedon is the real meaning why we celebrate christmas.

We spent a lot of time this holiday listening to praise music and I restored my faith & confidence.

This one is my favourite by Michael Card with scriptures from Galatian 3 & Roman 3:22

When the universe fell from His fingertips
He decided He wanted some fellowship
But the man and woman would not submit
So He made a better way
When the moment was right, He sent His own Son
And He opened the way so that everyone
Could have hope and believe that when time was done
He'd be able to make us one.

To hear with my heart
To see with my soul
To be guided by a hand I cannot hold
To trust in the way I cannot see
That's what faith must be.

I'm grateful for everything - the good and even more the not-so-good.

Wearing your heart on your sleeve...blog

Since last year, I've become an avid reader of blogs. Generally I follow blogs on fashion and interior design, occasionally a few on spiritual aspects. The bloggers community is a tight knit network and they tend to refer to each other. That's how I came to know Daul Kim also known as Daul Monster.

At the same time, the worldwide news on Yahoo7 reported the death of Daul Kim, supermodel found hanged in an apartment in Paris. I started reading her blog titled "I like to fork myself".

Often you hear about the loneliness of being a model and some of them turning to drugs or perhaps chain smokers. Daul leads her life as a supermodel, she was 15 when she left school and was home schooled. She had no friends and left her family to travel & model at the age of 17. And she had her creative outlets - she paints and films. Her work slightly on the dark side but nevertheless has a drawing quality. But still it hasnt taken the loneliness, despair, depression away....it was all too clear in her blog entries right from the very start.

Could she have been saved? All of us have struggles in life just like Daul's I realise but how does some of us make one choice over the other - to change or to give up life. Was there a tipping point? Does having faith means anything at that point? One thing I never could understand is when people says this "The great ones are always taken early". What does it mean by the way? Inadvertently it means these great people are smarter than to stick around earth and live through the average mortality? It's ludicrous.

Recently Uncle Miranda passed on too. He is my late fiance father. In a way I was ok that I didnt get to see him on his death bed. That way my memories of him will always remain about the times we spent together - the emotional moments consoling each other, the advice he gave me about how much my father was hurting watching me hurt so badly mourning, all the jokes he used to come up with and the humility that comes when he is talking about God. I will look for his letters and treasure them forever...

This is my prayer for Uncle Emmanuel Miranda:

Hold this thought close to your heart,
I am still with you, I do not sleep
I am the light breeze that touches your face in the morning's hush
I am the first burst of sunshine which peaks at sunrise
When you return home, I am the peaceful silence that calms the night
I am the tiny stars that glitters in the black velvet sky
I am the soft wispy ocean that rushes to your toes at the shore
I am the news of a new baby's arrival that makes your heart leaps
I am the grey rain that falls lightly on your skin on a Saturday afternoon
Do not think of me as gone
I am with you still, as each day dawns.

It is the same prayer I wrote in loving memory of Ferdi 10 years ago.

In loving memory of Uncle Emmanuel Miranda (Emmanuel which means God is with us)

Koru - an image of an unfurling fern frond which symbolises new beginning, new life and also the return to the point of origin. The circular shape symbolises there is only perpetual movement, no ending.

Things that intrigue me

There are a lot of things in life that intrigue my curiosity. That's why life is always so colourful. But it is in the things of old that deserves a rightful place in the memory.

I came across by accident this documentary called Around the world in 80 gardens on ABC channel. It's probably a series and I was watching only one of them but it had nuggets of gold in the episode. The stories (all of them true) are about extraordinary people. They have my utmost admiration.

The first story is about a British aristocrat named Sir Edward James. A poet and a passionate supporter of surrealism, his legacy is Las Pazos, a garden that he created in the heart of the tropical jungle of Mexico. Here he commissioned more than 150 men to build the surreal sculptures he had in this mind. Most of them majestic, most of them have no apparent function or normal artistic proportion but they are beautiful, in an ugly sort of way. With the moss covering the sculptures, the rain that falls so frequently and the beautiful waterfall, it really looks like a magical garden covering 80 acres. Not surprising, he is a firm supporter of Dali, one of my favourite artists!

Watch this Utube video and look out for the stairs that goes up to the sky but leads to nowhere. Sculptures of serpents, giant flowers, perfume bottles, archs interlocking - completely mind boggling but yet, after seeing them wont leave my mind alone. I wish I could one day see it for myself, be there to experience the magic. The magic that he felt when he decided to build his dream garden, after swimming naked in the pool of the waterfall, he lied down next to the stream to rest and a bunch of blue butterflies came and rested on him. Enchanting!